It was just our ritual and so it continued.He encouraged me to talk about myself, which I did to a degree. I didn’t let on how he had affected me and how much I looked forward to his e-mails. I confided in him how many men had hurt me since I had a tendency to fall for men who were looking for sex only. Married men I had affairs with gave me a safety net. I knew they were attached so I didn’t fall deeply in love with them. This defense mechanism saved me from further pain.As my feelings for Dean deepened, I found the strength to stop seeing those men and in fact was concentrating on my work. Hearing he found someone he liked saddened me. I knew I should be happy for him and I was but there was the longing inside me to be with him. I expected to hear back from Dean, even if it was a goodbye note; I grew upset that he didn’t reply as the days went by. Thinking he was too busy with the new lady in his life to write me, I tried unsuccessfully to block him from my mind. Three. Personal things.’ Rather than object to the distinction between ‘work’ and ‘personal’ (because who else was working if not the person?), I thought more. ‘Like, for example,’ she said, munching on a bite and trying to keep the syrup from dripping out of her mouth, ‘I’m going to try to start doing sit-ups every night, so I can tone this area up.’ She lifted her shirt and patted her belly, making a loud smacking sound. ‘Would you like that?’ ‘I like it very much the way it is,’ I said softly, but my preference went unheeded. ‘I figure if I can just work off about eight or ten pounds it would look flatter. And I’m going to finally start an actual savings account. So… things like that. Have you ever thought of any way to improve yourself?’ ‘I’ve considered beginning to learn a foreign language, perhaps Arabic or Korean, in order to sharpen my mind. Activity that stimulates a different region of the brain can have indirect effects on other regions. Languages that are more dissimilar.
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